June 17, 2015 § Leave a comment
I still see you face on people in the streets.
2 years since I met you.
1 since I’ve gotten over you.
And yet you still manage to infect my mind.
Oh, I remembered how you held my hand, cold and clammy-
But somehow it made you real.
I remembered how you kissed me for the first time-
I didn’t realise we were kissing till we did.
I remembered caressing your milk white skin-
As you cuddled me to an endless sleep.
I remembered how you pulled me close to you-
Like I was yours, but you weren’t mine to keep
I remembered how you thought I was ‘hot’-
Then again, that was all you ever thought of me.
And how you said I was nice-
But you could never get her off your mind.
I remembered how you let me go-
I pushed and pulled, but you let me go.
I remembered how we stopped seeing each other-
It didn’t hurt that we weren’t together
But it did when you didn’t give a damn.
I remembered when you said ‘at least it was fun”.
As though a cheap consolation was all I’ve ever been.
I remembered how I cried on drunkard nights over you-
Not how we were over but that you chose her.
I remembered how second rated you made me feel-
I was a diamond to everyone, but to you- a mere pebble you’d skid across the sea.
I remembered when she finally left-
Thinking there was a place for me now.
But when I watched you cry, and get incredibly high-
I knew the will never be a place for me
There never was.
Then you text me out of the blue
I was hesitant- but
You reminded me why I fell for you.
Two years ago this was all I ever wanted
Two years ago You were all I ever dreamt of
How I longed to see you
Longed to touch you.
And now you’re back-
But way leads on to way
and what had been will never be again.
I promised myself I wouldn’t write about you. I mean I talked about you enough. Even cried for god sake. But now that I realise you mean nothing to me, I feel I can finally say it all without the sappy bias.
You were in my life for a reason. I experienced joy and lost through you. And in a way, you ended the boring shy child, making way for a new me. And now a new me has yet arrived and I will continue to grow.
You were the beginning of my shitty life. You showed me what it was like to lose everything. In a way, you prepared me for more shit filled events in my life, which would probably break me. And it did. And I came out of it all. It’s a new start. It’s been a new start, and no, I’m not the same fun loving naive girl you once knew, though my innocence shed; I gained a deeper understanding of everything. I learnt to use my head and be strong- something a naive little girl wouldn’t know about. It was a trade, one I’m truly happy happened.