November 30, 2017 § Leave a comment
How does it feel like?
I loved him. He was my first love, my one, my soulmate.
It felt like someone reached within me and pulled my heart, my lungs, my stomach, my liver -everything- out. I laid everything bare, and inside I was empty. My head hurts, my heart breaking.
It wasn’t his fault, nor mine.
We just wanted different things in the future. And in a sense, that got in the way of a really good relationship.
He showed me how it felt like to love, be loved, and what it was like to be in a relationship. He taught me how to be jealous, and how to control it. How to get upset at each other, and how to make up afters. He taught me how doing nothing can be fun.
I didn’t want this to end. But I didn’t want it to get sour where we resented each other for not giving in.
I rather he cheated, hurt me or even hated my friends. But he didn’t. And that’s what made it worse.
Will I get over it?
Of course. But like death, we grief. This relationship died. I can’t help but mourn for what could have been.
June 17, 2015 § Leave a comment
I still see you face on people in the streets.
2 years since I met you.
1 since I’ve gotten over you.
And yet you still manage to infect my mind.
Oh, I remembered how you held my hand, cold and clammy-
But somehow it made you real.
I remembered how you kissed me for the first time-
I didn’t realise we were kissing till we did.
I remembered caressing your milk white skin-
As you cuddled me to an endless sleep.
I remembered how you pulled me close to you-
Like I was yours, but you weren’t mine to keep
I remembered how you thought I was ‘hot’-
Then again, that was all you ever thought of me.
And how you said I was nice-
But you could never get her off your mind.
I remembered how you let me go-
I pushed and pulled, but you let me go.
I remembered how we stopped seeing each other-
It didn’t hurt that we weren’t together
But it did when you didn’t give a damn.
I remembered when you said ‘at least it was fun”.
As though a cheap consolation was all I’ve ever been.
I remembered how I cried on drunkard nights over you-
Not how we were over but that you chose her.
I remembered how second rated you made me feel-
I was a diamond to everyone, but to you- a mere pebble you’d skid across the sea.
I remembered when she finally left-
Thinking there was a place for me now.
But when I watched you cry, and get incredibly high-
I knew the will never be a place for me
There never was.
Then you text me out of the blue
I was hesitant- but
You reminded me why I fell for you.
Two years ago this was all I ever wanted
Two years ago You were all I ever dreamt of
How I longed to see you
Longed to touch you.
And now you’re back-
But way leads on to way
and what had been will never be again.
I promised myself I wouldn’t write about you. I mean I talked about you enough. Even cried for god sake. But now that I realise you mean nothing to me, I feel I can finally say it all without the sappy bias.
You were in my life for a reason. I experienced joy and lost through you. And in a way, you ended the boring shy child, making way for a new me. And now a new me has yet arrived and I will continue to grow.
You were the beginning of my shitty life. You showed me what it was like to lose everything. In a way, you prepared me for more shit filled events in my life, which would probably break me. And it did. And I came out of it all. It’s a new start. It’s been a new start, and no, I’m not the same fun loving naive girl you once knew, though my innocence shed; I gained a deeper understanding of everything. I learnt to use my head and be strong- something a naive little girl wouldn’t know about. It was a trade, one I’m truly happy happened.