It seems like it’s for you, but really it’s for me

December 17, 2017 § Leave a comment

My boyfriend doesn’t post photos of us on social media, should i break up with him?

Ah, the age old question specially brought to you by social media. As many blogs or forums might tell you, ask him. You’re not wrong to feel this way, but it won’t help you much if you just stew over it! But what they don’t tell you, is what do you do if he doesn’t have a good reason.

I experienced the same thing before (as many who went through it themselves). Initially, I thought his lack of posting was because he was just one of those people who never used social media.

Except he still post about every other aspect about his life.

Wait, okay, but he doesn’t want post his dates, or girlfriend either!

Or does he (not)?

………

When I initially questioned him (it is the right thing to do!) about this issue, he plainly stated that he doesn’t like to post such stuff.

This reason is legitimate itself, so I didn’t think much and moved on in my life.

However, several months later, I realised that HE DID post such stuff before, but oh, just not of me, but of his ex.

Specifically the one before me.

Was I upset?

DUH.

When I did ask him about my new discovery, he said he used to, however, he changed his mindset prior to meeting me.

Again, I don’t fault this mindset, but it makes me question how easy it was for him to change his mindset in less than a year (we dated two months after they broke up).

This also questions his honesty to me, and shadiness in the matter. Why couldn’t you just tell me from the start? Why let me dig? Also, you claimed to delete old photos, but you clearly didn’t.

Though we’ve broken up, I took a look back, and realised it’s almost as if I didn’t exist in his life. All remnants of her still on display, while me, not even a trace.

I don’t know bout you, but till this day, I can’t help but feel hurt and belittle in that relationship. Though it’s a small issue, he managed to hurt me time and time again. I felt unworthy to be shown off, and that our relationship clearly didn’t mean smack to him despite how much he say it does.

Well, eitherways, I’m glad I got out of it. Someone who truly supports me and love me would never made me feel this way.

xx

A.G

P.s so much for my advise column LOL

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How does it feel to lose the one you love

November 30, 2017 § Leave a comment

How does it feel like?

Like shit.

I loved him. He was my first love, my one, my soulmate.

It felt like someone reached within me and pulled my heart, my lungs, my stomach, my liver -everything- out. I laid everything bare, and inside I was empty. My head hurts, my heart breaking.

It wasn’t his fault, nor mine.

We just wanted different things in the future. And in a sense, that got in the way of a really good relationship.

He showed me how it felt like to love, be loved, and what it was like to be in a relationship. He taught me how to be jealous, and how to control it. How to get upset at each other, and how to make up afters. He taught me how doing nothing can be fun.

I didn’t want this to end. But I didn’t want it to get sour where we resented each other for not giving in.

I rather he cheated, hurt me or even hated my friends. But he didn’t. And that’s what made it worse.

Will I get over it?

Of course. But like death, we grief. This relationship died. I can’t help but mourn for what could have been.

 

AG

Life after You

June 17, 2015 § Leave a comment

I still see you face on people in the streets.

2 years since I met you.

1 since I’ve gotten over you.

And yet,

And yet you still manage to infect my mind.

Oh, I remembered how you held my hand, cold and clammy-

But somehow it made you real.

I remembered how you kissed me for the first time-

I didn’t realise we were kissing till we did.

I remembered caressing your milk white skin-

As you cuddled me to an endless sleep.

I remembered how you pulled me close to you-

Like I was yours, but you weren’t mine to keep

I remembered how you thought I was ‘hot’-

Then again, that was all you ever thought of me.

And how you said I was nice-

But you could never get her off your mind.

I remembered how you let me go-

I pushed and pulled, but you let me go.

I remembered how we stopped seeing each other-

It didn’t hurt that we weren’t together

But it did when you didn’t give a damn.

I remembered when you said ‘at least it was fun”.

At least”-

As though a cheap consolation was all I’ve ever been.

I remembered how I cried on drunkard nights over you-

Not how we were over but that you chose her.

I remembered how second rated you made me feel-

I was a diamond to everyone, but to you- a mere pebble you’d skid across the sea.

I remembered when she finally left-

Thinking there was a place for me now.

But when I watched you cry, and get incredibly high-

I knew the will never be a place for me

There never was.

(con’t)

Then you text me out of the blue

I was hesitant- but

You reminded me why I fell for you.

Two years ago this was all I ever wanted

Two years ago You were all I ever dreamt of

How I longed to see you

Longed to touch you.

And now you’re back-

But way leads on to way

and what had been will never be again.

I promised myself I wouldn’t write about you. I mean I talked about you enough. Even cried for god sake. But now that I realise you mean nothing to me, I feel I can finally say it all without the sappy bias.

You were in my life for a reason. I experienced joy and lost through you. And in a way, you ended the boring shy child, making way for a new me. And now a new me has yet arrived and I will continue to grow.

You were the beginning of my shitty life. You showed me what it was like to lose everything. In a way, you prepared me for more shit filled events in my life, which would probably break me. And it did. And I came out of it all. It’s a new start. It’s been a new start, and no, I’m not the same fun loving naive girl you once knew, though my innocence shed; I gained a deeper understanding of everything. I learnt to use my head and be strong- something a naive little girl wouldn’t know about. It was a trade, one I’m truly happy happened.

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