Paranoia at it’s best

March 27, 2017 § Leave a comment

What do you do when you’ve met the love of your life, and months down the road, he tells you he had a one night stand before he met you?

Don’t know how to feel about it? Well, me neither.

I can’t even justify why I feel so confused. Part of me felt cheated on; lied to. But part of me felt that he could have just kept it hidden. And he didn’t, which says something right?

But is the latter just me trying to downplay how I really feel? Because it’s not as though we’ve never brooch the topic of sex before. He knows my history (or the lack of) and I know his (or so I thought). Then, why the hell didn’t he say anything before??

The act itself is one thing, it clashes with my moral standing altogether. I mean I freaking waited for the right person. And this just shines a light on his fuckboy ways- one I’m not sure I can accept.

But still, this doesn’t make him less of an amazing person who treats me really well. I know it’s not fair to judge him based on this one act, and that if I really knew him, this wouldn’t change how I feel about him. But what if what I know of him, isn’t really him? I mean i didn’t think he was capable of one night stands before, but he proved me wrong.

I’m just..Why am I so affected?!?!?

 

 

*edit* So it’s been about a month since he told me. Throughout March, I’ve been affected, okay, then extremely affect and okay again. I’ve come to realise, that only because I’m really serious about our relationship, that it affected me so much. If we were just dating, I probably wouldn’t care much, because he wouldn’t have mattered you see. And this vicious cycle of me getting affected over and over again, isn’t helping make our relationship work.

So I came to a decision.

I though long and hard if he was really who I wanted to be with, and if I still saw a future with him in it- I have to move on. And I thought, though it wasn’t nice to know about that, it doesn’t make him a ‘bad’ person  for having a one night stand. Especially because he was amazing to me, even when I was shitty towards him. And I think qualities like this makes a person, much less a single act.

Am I over it? I guess so. Even if I’m not, I’ll try my best to get over it. Because I realised now (took me long enough) that, despite this episode, he’s still the same person. And that I shouldn’t give up on a relationship that’s been working perfectly. Basically, he’s still worth making an effort for.

 

p.s. That is, for our relationship at least (I can’t speak for others in a similar situation).

 

xoxo

AG

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