November 16, 2014 § Leave a comment

Since I had “changed” I realize that I don’t really fit anywhere anymore.
I was out with my different group of friends, pre-change and post-change, when I realize how difficult it was to clique with both groups.
On one hand, I feel like i had changed too much that i couldn’t fit in with my older friends from pre-change me.
While on the other hand, since the change, I had mellowed down and now i no longer feel tight with the post change friends.
The change i go on and on about sound like I fucking turned into a vampire.

I finally understand when (BOARDWALK EMPIRE S4 SPOILER ALERT) Nucky in season 4 of boardwalk empire couldn’t get his business going because he didn’t gain the respect from other gangsters as he wasn’t full on gangster enough, and he couldn’t do business with reputable politicians because he had dirtied himself with illegal activities.
lol never in my life would I had thought the drama’s of boardwalk would find relevance in my life.
In a way, he became stuck.
Just like how I had become an inbetweener.
I don’t feel as though I belong anywhere anymore. I’m never fully with either cliques, I just drift by with them never fully myself.
But the funniest thing is, it doesn’t really bother me. Maybe after meltdown after meltdown, I’ve hardened and don’t give two fucks about anything.
Or maybe, just maybe, I have that hope that one day some other group will make me feel like I would never have to adapt to their personalities because we fit so perf.

5feb 2015- sort of do with my poly clique I guess

6 Nov 2015- technically no, still feel the same as i did a year ago, just accepted it and stopped looking for support in others.


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