To mark with

December 23, 2013 § Leave a comment

So this is one of those randomly short post that if you analyze carefully you’d realize there isn’t much to it but heck it I need to put my thoughts somewhere.
So recently I had my first ever tatt<3<3
For years and years I’ve been craving to get a tattoo and turning into that girl who says she wants one but too pussy to get it. But I did. I did get it. Im not a pussy yay! Haaaaa okay carrying on…
So I always wanted one for God to show my devotion and love for him( besides the fact that I really really wanted one) I wanted my first tattoo to mean something. And my first thought was God. Because no matter how screwed up I become or how far I go I will always turn back to him.
Oh yeah so in the end I did a tattoo that said 'God is love' in Greek.
But this isnt the point of the blog ie me showing off that I had gotten one.
It was after getting one, I just was so obsessed with it how hot it looked, how perfect it was, how I cant believe I actually went through with it. People who knew I gotten one were always asking what it means, to which I reply God. And they just go oh nice. ( some dont even ask they just say niceeee)
It was only till yesterday when my best friend really asked why and what it mean did I realize that I got lost in the tattoo.
Weird yeah but let me explain.
I was so caught up with how it looked and how I yolo did it, that I forgot the reason for getting one was so that no matter how far I drift away I will ALWAYS come back to God.
So holy but not really.
And afters I felt like the cross I always wear around my neck didnt have to protect me because I will forever have a piece of God with me. Permanently. And I couldnt be more happier.
Even when I went home at 3am in the morning( I would usually be scared out of my wits when I ride the lift alone then) I wasn;t scared. I was calm and at peace. And thats because I realized how I will forever be connected to God.
Yeah so this post is a little religious. And not that short. And is full of punctuation errors. But even so im so glad I went through with it and could not ask for a better first tattoo.
(Added bonus; I initially didn’t want to go through and get a tattoo earlier was because I wanted to get one when I’m married etc. because I wanted my husbands approval, and thank goodness I snapped out of that sappy state and threw that thought out. Because I’m going to be who I want to be and do what I want to do to MY body. I’m my going to change myself or not do a tatt in this case just because I want ‘someone’s’ approval. I was reminded that I should be who I wanted to be and look/dress however I wanted to because everyone has different perception on what is hot/nice/cool etc and honestly you can’t please everyone so just be who you wanna be and the right people will stay and accept you for who you are.)


I’m that kind of girl that stares in the mirror, puts her make up on but still sees beneath it

December 8, 2013 § Leave a comment

I’m insecure don’t know what for~
Yes yes, it’s cliche but its true.
I can’t believe I’m writing a blog in the midst of studying for my common test:/
I’m like putting myself up for failure.
But anywhooo,
I was having a htht session with a couple of my friends ( heart to heart talk, a ‘thing’ most kids my age do to feel like their feelings and existence matter) and on impulse I said I was screwed up. Of course my friends were like you’re not that bad etc but it was true. Too much damn.
The moment those words were said I just knew how real they were. And it’s shockingly scary how my subconscious knows I REALLY need to get my shit together.
Like really. And how fitting since next years resolution is to be in control of my life.
I’m not saying I’m fucking my future up or anything, but it’s like I always expected myself to be one thing but I’m Turing out to be another. Like just beginning of this year I always hated smokers- coughing on purpose when I pass by a smoker- and ironically I’ve became one myself.
Yeah I smoke now, no need to cover up and say its just social blahblahblah.
I’m now at that stage where I crave for it. I’m trying to cut down but it isn’t working;(
I’ll deal with that next time but for now I just want to be in charge of me not my wants not the peer pressure but just me. To wear nice clothes and drink tea.
Is that too hard to ask for?
P.s too lazy to edit so excuse the wrong grammar etc

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